Is [Human] Identity Arbitrary?

I have been in a debate regarding identity, and I've come to a couple conclusions. First, identity is not arbitrary, it does not shift like a house built on sand. Granted personalities do change in regards to tertiary values, perhaps one doesn't like playing with pokemon cards anymore and the like, but the core values of curiosity and imaginative thinking still remain which drove a person to like such things earlier in life that it too drives the person to like similar things later in life. This means, whatever values a person takes on, their behavior from time to time may shift, but their identity never will. Does a person cease being a person of s/he/ze does not drive a car, but instead rides a bicycle, to work? Clearly not, so again, behavior does not change the person or that person's identity. Second, identity is not based in plurality of selves, it is onle absolutely singular self. No matter what the psycho-analytics will say or attempt to hat trick into the scientific community (which they often do and are promptly refuted by scientific skepticism...), their claim that identity is based on a plurality of selves or personalities, or 'families', will never replace the currently known reality that when a person speaks 'I' they are literally meaning self as singular and integrated. Not even D.I.D. can prove the existence of pluralization of identity, considering it's been under sharp criticism for decades. To suggest a pluralism of identity is to suggest homunculus argument, which is often met with problems such as where did the homonculus come from, how did the homonculus form, and/or what are the physical constants for a homonculus. In this case, it's homonculus times nth number of arbitrary divisions of self.





All in all, I liked the debate so far, but I believe the person in question has put me on ignore on the forum, therefore it's ended by my opponent's wish and not mine. I do not know if this proves my point in this regard, that personalities are singular and non-arbitrary, but it does prove when you pull out the facts and show contradiction to the claims given, an opponent's resolve to debate one will dissolve fast. Especially, if their claims rest on narrative and not normative explanations.



-- Brede

No one's life is a mistake.

For as long as I can remember, I never felt like I was a man or a boy. When I was little I use to tell my mom I was a Ryan, not a boy, of course Ryan is my legal name, but wasn't the point to call myself by my name as my identification rather it was because the idea of being a boy made me sick to my stomach then. I did not fully understand as to why I felt that way then, but I do know now. It was because for all the attempts at trying to be a boy, to be a man, to be masculine, it never ever worked out. No matter how much I tried to cuss like the other boys, or tried to be rough at play like the other boys, it just did not come to anything enjoyable. Now I wasn't "a little sissy" as the old saying would go, but I was different. I loved reading books, drawing, and day dreaming. I loved science as well, the power to understand things that seemingly were impossible to know was something I wanted to do. And above all, I never wanted to be handsome, I wanted to be pretty. I wanted to look refined, graceful, and beautiful. To me that was what I was, not bulky, tough, and handsome. This made me an outcast to many, even to teachers and other adults. I was told that what I valued made my life a mistake. And I was taught this with threats of force if I did not feel guilt or repentant for my values. It worked, I hated myself, my reflection, and even my life. This made me a hard person to deal with through most of my life. I was not open to conversation, or friendships. I just hid behind books and food, getting smarter and cooler to human contact. I even hated my family for it, as if was there fault, even though they had no part in it.



When I discovered the concepts of transsexualism and transvestism in my teenage years, I was more than simply curious, I wanted to know the truth of it. It seemed like what I had dealt with when I was younger. For a while I thought I was a transvestite, because I did like the idea of dressing beautifully, but I did not feel like a man still, so later I supposed I was a transsexual. I still think I am transgendered and I am very much happy with that thought, but today I am still doubtful of the status of being a transsexual only because I do not think that sex reassignment surgery will help me and I feel no loathing toward my body, only toward people telling me what I can and cannot do with it, especially people who try to force me to be a man. From then on, I began to realize my life was not a mistake, nor could it ever be a mistake because that implies that I should never have existed, and to a greater degree it implies no human being should have ever existed either. And that is a terrible thought indeed, to reject your existence and the existence of others. To even reject existence itself, because that is all we have to go by. There is no other realm than existence, and it is antithetical to a good life to reject it and your place in it. It can be still argued that I have made mistakes in my life, but that does not imply in itself a rejection of existence or my own existence, it is simply a recognition that one can err, and that one can also learn when one errs. That's a good thing too, it means we can change and grow. For folks like me that are transgendered, that fact is most important as we change to be ourselves, to express our identities in a more integrated manner, since making a mistake should never be confused with the idea of supposing one's existence is the mistake.



No one's life is a mistake.





-- Brede

Why Bother? Because there's more...

Why bother? Why even try to live? It's the seminal question that everyone most pose in their lives as they see suffering or are a victim of suffering. It's the kind of question one does not ask lightly in light or darkness. One asks this question when one feels one's life is at an end, or at a point where it cannot get better. My answer to the question is fairly simple at its face, but underneath there's something complex: because there's something more. What do I mean by "because there's something more?" I mean that in the whole of the universe/multiverse is there always more. Not because it's endless, but because we are endless. How can I assume any person that is clearly finite in aptitude, in capacity, and in time is endless? That conclusion is marked by a simple fact that if a person is left alone, they tend toward doing more than what others would expect them to do. In some small measure, the human animal, the rational being, has no end since there is no way to gauge the ultimate state of such a being. Thus, a rational being, a human, is indeed truly endless, not statically so, but dynamically so. That even in the darkest of times, a human can find a way out. A means to success. A means to something more.



Everyday I see people who seemingly give up, and let the forces of nature take them. People that can do more, people with more power than they know. Yet, they have been taught from birth that they're victims of a cosmic joke. Victims to be pitied in their lack of action, not emboldened to action. Taught they are to suffer, not to live. And I find this a contradiction to the very nature of human quality. It is the most vile lie told to everyone, and some how propped up by all as a truth. That humans are suppose to be futile and helpless, and a dead end in nature. I don't accept this lie, and never will, for the facts I've given. There is always more. More hope, more chances, more futures to seek, more fortunes to be made, more stars to be charted, more lands to be discovered, and more experiences for the human animal. Not less. Because there is always something more...

-- Brede

Ideas, some absurd, and some not so absurd.

And yet I am left with no other choice, but to examine them. As of late, I have considered some strange ideas, many of which are considered impossible by most. One such example would be the utilization of the electrostatic properties of water as to shape it into rigid bodies. In some cases, this would seem impossible, but the more I dug into the physical properties of water, this is indeed possible. What the problem comes into for this idea is power. Not even the most well built nuclear power plants today could yield the instant burst of power to ionize a volume of water sufficiently to make it into a rigid body even for a few seconds. This is the only hurdle to its use. If it were possible to make the power needed, and the mechanism to distribute it along the whole of a volume of water, the uses would be limitless. Buildings made of a simple molecule like water. Or water stored as itself with no external containers around it. Or using water inside of materials to reshape them like concrete. Or even control the over flow of water in a human body to keep it from damaging vital organs.



Beyond the fantastic theories and ideas, another idea as come to mind, which I think it not so absurd at this moment: I want to legally change my first [and possibly last] name. Right now, all that concerns me is the legal fee costs. Other than that, I think I will probably have it changed on my birthday as to signal the change of me being what others want to what I want. I expect that many people will not approve of it, especially my current employer, but legally they have no say in it. I do expect this to cause some confusion for them, and my fellow co-workers. Most of all, I think it will signal to them to question their assumptions about me, perhaps it will signal to them that some of their assumptions are right and some wrong. Still, I cannot expect myself to continue to hide as I have done so for many years. My life is beginning to swing toward its decline in respect of biology [at this current technological level], so I must make an effort here and now in utilizing what is left of my life for my own benefit. Perhaps, I can recapture some of that youthful energy to see the world as I want to see it. Even if it does mean I may lose my current employment.





-- Brede

Another night alone and happy.

I think it's interesting how many people at my age, 26, are either in a serious relationship or finally married. Often, I find myself wondering if I am doing something wrong since I cannot find anyone as if I'm not the kind of person that is approachable. Granted, I think my own soul searching over my early adulthood has left me either too scared to approach people or too unwilling to bother, but when I do try to reach out, even for friendship, I find the social ties others are able to maintain more easily than me next to impossible for me to achieve. There are things I do keep secret or unexplained, but only because I prefer to find out about the person I wish to befriend before I attempt to tell more about me than necessary at that time. Perhaps, I am merely trying to mask a deeper issue. Yet, I find this too not completely true. I do love my solitude to a degree, it's fun to be able to read without interruption or to do my programming projects without someone asking too many questions about it.



Still, I am a social animal like every other human and I have wished to experience love. For me, love is not just the sexual arousal that some people my age would think it is, it's something more in the sense of being able to feel like the other person is a reflection of you; the very best of you. And no matter how things will change, you and the one you truly love will be there for each other, even when there is need to be apart, like I would need from time to time.



Right now, though, I am very happy to be alone, because I am beginning to grasp who I am as a person and to take action to express it in every facet of my existence. In a way, this time alone is my time to grow in a way that I could not if I had close friends or a companion, because in such situations any time you wish to be alone would have to be understood well by the other(s), and I have to say I am not very good at communicating such intentions very well. So, I will take this time of being alone and use it to my best. :)





-- Brede

A Fresh Start.

There has yet to be a time when a person did not need a fresh start, only because sometimes people do get wrapped up in old habits, especially the habits that harm us, to go back to the initial state before them. So, I've decided to create a new blog for myself. This blog will focus on my life as my other one on Live Journal did before, but with more focus on my interests; philosophy, computer science, sexuality, and personal identity.

Now, before I can go further on those topics I will introduce myself. I'm Bridget/Brede Armozel, a male to 'genderqueer' transgendered person from Kansas that is majoring in computer science. To explain the point on male to genderqueer [m2q], genderqueer is a term that has evolved to define certain individuals that do not fit neatly either as male to female or female to male transsexuals. In my particular situation as a genderqueer, I happen to consider myself more feminine than masculine, but I do not think that I am not male considering the irrefutable proof of what I have between my legs. Yet this does not mean I am gay, even though I am bisexual, but it does mean I am not a guy nor really a girl in the accepted use of those terms.

So, when I will speak of myself, I will tend to use the singular 'gender neutral' pronouns ze [sounds like sea] and hir [sounds like here]. These pronouns tend to be used in these particular examples. Ze is used when referring to the subject: Ze is very tired. Hir is used a few different ways. Hir as an object: I hugged hir. Hir as a possessive adjective: Hir head hurts. Hir as possessive noun: This is hirs. Both used in reflexive response: Ze pointed to hirself. I hope that helps you understand for later on.

Not only am I simply genderqueer, bisexual, and a computer science student, I also happen to be an Objectivist. I do follow the philosophy that Ayn Rand formulated, and I keep studying it everyday. I would have to say I have much thanks for finding her work, it is because of her that I am who I am today and have the courage to be myself. And as such, I don't expect every reader of this blog to accept my values, because I don't need others to validate them [nor do I wish to make you validate yours to me].

As with any fresh start, I will have to say I'm glad I have do so, and I have the highest hopes that this will be for the better. :)

-- Brede