Another night alone and happy.

I think it's interesting how many people at my age, 26, are either in a serious relationship or finally married. Often, I find myself wondering if I am doing something wrong since I cannot find anyone as if I'm not the kind of person that is approachable. Granted, I think my own soul searching over my early adulthood has left me either too scared to approach people or too unwilling to bother, but when I do try to reach out, even for friendship, I find the social ties others are able to maintain more easily than me next to impossible for me to achieve. There are things I do keep secret or unexplained, but only because I prefer to find out about the person I wish to befriend before I attempt to tell more about me than necessary at that time. Perhaps, I am merely trying to mask a deeper issue. Yet, I find this too not completely true. I do love my solitude to a degree, it's fun to be able to read without interruption or to do my programming projects without someone asking too many questions about it.



Still, I am a social animal like every other human and I have wished to experience love. For me, love is not just the sexual arousal that some people my age would think it is, it's something more in the sense of being able to feel like the other person is a reflection of you; the very best of you. And no matter how things will change, you and the one you truly love will be there for each other, even when there is need to be apart, like I would need from time to time.



Right now, though, I am very happy to be alone, because I am beginning to grasp who I am as a person and to take action to express it in every facet of my existence. In a way, this time alone is my time to grow in a way that I could not if I had close friends or a companion, because in such situations any time you wish to be alone would have to be understood well by the other(s), and I have to say I am not very good at communicating such intentions very well. So, I will take this time of being alone and use it to my best. :)





-- Brede