Another night alone and happy.

I think it's interesting how many people at my age, 26, are either in a serious relationship or finally married. Often, I find myself wondering if I am doing something wrong since I cannot find anyone as if I'm not the kind of person that is approachable. Granted, I think my own soul searching over my early adulthood has left me either too scared to approach people or too unwilling to bother, but when I do try to reach out, even for friendship, I find the social ties others are able to maintain more easily than me next to impossible for me to achieve. There are things I do keep secret or unexplained, but only because I prefer to find out about the person I wish to befriend before I attempt to tell more about me than necessary at that time. Perhaps, I am merely trying to mask a deeper issue. Yet, I find this too not completely true. I do love my solitude to a degree, it's fun to be able to read without interruption or to do my programming projects without someone asking too many questions about it.



Still, I am a social animal like every other human and I have wished to experience love. For me, love is not just the sexual arousal that some people my age would think it is, it's something more in the sense of being able to feel like the other person is a reflection of you; the very best of you. And no matter how things will change, you and the one you truly love will be there for each other, even when there is need to be apart, like I would need from time to time.



Right now, though, I am very happy to be alone, because I am beginning to grasp who I am as a person and to take action to express it in every facet of my existence. In a way, this time alone is my time to grow in a way that I could not if I had close friends or a companion, because in such situations any time you wish to be alone would have to be understood well by the other(s), and I have to say I am not very good at communicating such intentions very well. So, I will take this time of being alone and use it to my best. :)





-- Brede

A Fresh Start.

There has yet to be a time when a person did not need a fresh start, only because sometimes people do get wrapped up in old habits, especially the habits that harm us, to go back to the initial state before them. So, I've decided to create a new blog for myself. This blog will focus on my life as my other one on Live Journal did before, but with more focus on my interests; philosophy, computer science, sexuality, and personal identity.

Now, before I can go further on those topics I will introduce myself. I'm Bridget/Brede Armozel, a male to 'genderqueer' transgendered person from Kansas that is majoring in computer science. To explain the point on male to genderqueer [m2q], genderqueer is a term that has evolved to define certain individuals that do not fit neatly either as male to female or female to male transsexuals. In my particular situation as a genderqueer, I happen to consider myself more feminine than masculine, but I do not think that I am not male considering the irrefutable proof of what I have between my legs. Yet this does not mean I am gay, even though I am bisexual, but it does mean I am not a guy nor really a girl in the accepted use of those terms.

So, when I will speak of myself, I will tend to use the singular 'gender neutral' pronouns ze [sounds like sea] and hir [sounds like here]. These pronouns tend to be used in these particular examples. Ze is used when referring to the subject: Ze is very tired. Hir is used a few different ways. Hir as an object: I hugged hir. Hir as a possessive adjective: Hir head hurts. Hir as possessive noun: This is hirs. Both used in reflexive response: Ze pointed to hirself. I hope that helps you understand for later on.

Not only am I simply genderqueer, bisexual, and a computer science student, I also happen to be an Objectivist. I do follow the philosophy that Ayn Rand formulated, and I keep studying it everyday. I would have to say I have much thanks for finding her work, it is because of her that I am who I am today and have the courage to be myself. And as such, I don't expect every reader of this blog to accept my values, because I don't need others to validate them [nor do I wish to make you validate yours to me].

As with any fresh start, I will have to say I'm glad I have do so, and I have the highest hopes that this will be for the better. :)

-- Brede